I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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