i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
