Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
