i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
