areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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