so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
