My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
