just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
