He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
