how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
