I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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