D3 body, D1 cock
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
