I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
