margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
