Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
