So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
