some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
