The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
