I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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