And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
