i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
