final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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