I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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