Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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