i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
