Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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