If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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