I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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