I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
