Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
