I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
