Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
