I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
