my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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