covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
