Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
