Your mouth is God's brothel.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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