We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
