I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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