i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's Friday. Sex?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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