I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
