I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
