Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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