he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
