xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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