Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
