Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
