names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
