Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
