it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
