I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
